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Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Christmas Shopping: Wouldn't it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn't have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in "Gift certificate for a flu shot."
- Erma Bombeck
Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.
- Erma Bombeck
Education is so important when it comes to domesticity. I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.
- Erma Bombeck
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity.
- Erma Bombeck
Mothers have to remember what food each child likes or dislikes, which one is allergic to penicillin and hamster fur, who gets carsick and who isn't kidding when he stands outside the bathroom door and tells you what's going to happen if he doesn't get in right away. It's tough. If they all have the same hair color they tend to run together.
- Erma Bombeck
Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on."
- Erma Bombeck
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
- Erma Bombeck
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Famous Quotes
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- Erma Bombeck
I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
- Erma Bombeck
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
- Erma Bombeck
Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.
- Erma Bombeck
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
- Erma Bombeck
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.
- Erma Bombeck
I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.
- Erma Bombeck
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
- Erma Bombeck
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